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Imposter syndrome, the gift you never wanted that keeps on giving anyway

I’m still having trouble committing to my next big writing project, and the more time I spend in this in-between stage, the more that gap is filling in with self-doubt. It’s not a new experience for me: Self-doubt and I are on a first-name basis. It’s the voice in my head that tells me I’m wasting my time, I’m too old, and I may as well stop now before I make a(n even bigger) fool of myself.

I call him Kevin. I tell him to shut up, but he keeps talking.

(Imposter syndrome is so insidious that it’s even making it more challenging to write this letter about imposter syndrome. Because who cares what I have to say about imposter syndrome?

Ugh. Shut up, Kevin.)

I think the state of the world has something to do with this feeling as well. It’s not that outlandish, is it? To think that the constant pileup of horrors and injustices and inexorable slide toward fascism takes a toll on your mental state?

OK, because I don’t like to just word vomit about a problem without offering a solution, here’s what I’m doing to try and counteract this. The way I see it, imposter syndrome is a form of decision paralysis. The self-doubt that imposter syndrome creates makes me question my ability to make a good decision, a right decision—heck, any decision. The best antidote to indecision, for me at least, is to just do something. So I pulled up my list of prospective agents to query, found one that’s currently open to submissions, and fired off a query. I also added three more agents to the list (and took off one who I realized probably wouldn’t be a good fit).

Do I still feel like an imposter? You betcha. But maybe a little less than I did before.

Anyone else feeling this way? Let me know! Misery loves company, after all. And let me know what you’re doing to cope with it. I think we could all use the advice.

That’s all for now. Hang in there, folks. I believe in you. See you in August!